It has been one year when the painful truth hits me. There's no one to blame but myself. Again and again putting all the faith and trust on empty promises. There's one moment things seems like going to be better, future back together seems promising, at last all the tears and endless pain will end. But no, not that case. Even things have some slightly changes, but the pain and tears never leaves me.
So many stupid stuff that I've done to try to fix everything. Till the extend of putting myself in embarrassing moment just because i believed in him and I don't regret of all of this because i know I've done my best, all I can.
Just that the fact that someone said how much they love u and giving u all the promises even they won't do it just hurts so much. Wasn't that i hope for all the promise and shit, just that if you don't mean it..just don't promise because I trust u with all my heart and u took me as a fool. Treating me like I'm less than anyone else, comes when u needed me and leave me alone in time of despair. It hurts but it too slowly opens my eyes, and my brain starting to do the logic thinking and not all about the heart with is full of emotions.
Some things can be fix, but not relationship and heart.Even it could be mend up, it still leaves a scar behind. I don't hope anything anymore. All i want is a word from you. The CLOSURE that i needed to keep everything in a box and leave it in the past. Answer that do you really love me? ( but i'll doubt that now, base on all you lies and the way you treated me) or u want move on with your own life and we won't be any related anymore. You guys might think why don't i just break it off myself? the answer is simple, it's not that I'm leaving my fate for him to decide. It's a answer that he owes me. Answer that he keeps avoiding and adding on lies to cover it.Thus it's my closure. The "answer" .
Anyway, i just need a way to let things out. Starting to gives me emotional burden LOL need to let it out. For those who read this, i know I'm dumb asf to believe in all shit but yeah, i guess what they said is true, 1st love is always the hardest and the fact that I've been through a lot with him. Something that was build thru out times, good and bad. Hmmm...i hope, time can make me a better person. =)
